LORD SHADOW CHAPTER 119: RACE OF THEIR LIVES

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The man coughed. It was the smell. Of dust and ashes. Then his ears could hear the lapping waves and the feeling that the island is tilted in one side.

It is a weird feeling. It was like he is standing calmly in the face of a sinking ship.

The rushing sweater keeps flooding the already destroyed island but the man did not run or panic.

Wearing a purple robe and a defeated expression, the man is Hirate. Sometimes he swished his sleeve dusting off the dirt on his clothes.

Sitting across him looking at him with a scowling expression or at least that is what Hirate thought since he couldn’t see the face behind the hood.

The sound of structures falling off could be heard in the distance like the wailing of the island.

The waves churning and rolled and crash down the shore of this spliced island like they were angry.

The screaming of minds inside his head has not abated. Life forms after life forms are screaming in their mind running away from the oncoming tsunami.

And that feeling assaulted Hirate again. The feeling of powerlessness. The sweats on his forehead have been wiped clean by a clean handkerchief.

The trembling of fear has stopped. He is calm. He has lost. And he has accepted the fact. And accepting it, he can move on.

In a way Hirate is practical in his belief and conduct. His heart is calm and his nervousness has also dissipated.

‘Tell me now’ Lord Shadow said calmly yet his words were like thunderclap to Hirate ears and Hirate face scrunched up like he was trying to avoid showing weakness.

Even now, sitting on the table, Lord Shadow is utilizing his Seed Forming level to pressure Hirate mentally.

The suppression of a higher being. The voice was deep and powerful and even as he sits there was certain majesty that shrouded him.

Dark Aura surrounded him like he was the monarch of darkness which only increases the fear of other people towards him.

Hirate doubt anyone would be as calm as him if they are in his seat right now. Even Hirate wanted to quickly run from his seat but he forces himself to be calm.

Even sitting he dominates the entire negotiation just by being his intimidating and imposing self.

In the distance Hirate could see Oreki and Will is getting closer to their stone table.

There is no longer nay monster chasing them and they walk relaxingly through the destruction of the island, like they were having a vacation.

The Immortal Couple walk together hand in hand smiling, no doubt happy they chose the winning side.

Even as Hirate was about to reveal the truth about this world, he has been thinking of the impact of the loss of World Government today.

And one conclusion comes to mind.

‘Eden….will gobble up the Plains.’

Then a voice brought him back to his present situations.

‘Talk’ And Lord Shadow eyes seem to be trained on him and Hirate gulped.

Sighing he then ask Lord Shadow.

‘Lord Shadow, from what I gather of your abilities one of them is flight. Does that mean you can also fly to outer space?’

Azief looking at Hirate was puzzled on why Hirate is asking this kind of question but he nodded

‘Yes, I can.’ He replied nonetheless

‘Have you?’ Hirate asked

‘Hmm?’ Azief ponder for a while before he answers.

‘No, I didn’t’

‘Heh’ Hirate snorted

‘Why didn’t you?’ he then asked

Azief glance at the sky for a moment, like his eyes piercing through the white clouds and the vast expanse of the sky and then he said

‘Too many high level monsters. Fending them of will not be easy. And I could not be sure if there are other monsters lurking in the space of earth.’

‘I guess you were smarter than us.’ Hirate remarked.

‘We sent one of our battleships once to space. It survives the onslaught of flying monster in our sky but the moment they enter outer space they were ripped apart by a powerful blue dragon.’

Behind them the waves are raging and the winds keep getting more unstable. This island is in their death throes.

‘What does this have to do with what you know?’ Azief wanted to cut through the bullshit.

‘It has everything to do with what I know. If you managed to go to outer space you would realize something very terrifying about our Earth’

‘And that is?’

‘This Earth…..is not our Earth’ and hearing this, Azief was jolted and immediately stand up from his seat in shock.

His stone chairs were flung away to the shore near their table and was immediately gobble up by the rising tide of water pouring in.

Then finally Azief realizes it. That uncomfortable feelings he felt the moment he returns. The same feeling Will felt.

The reason why he felt this world is too big and too pressuring. The reason why he doesn’t see all the high level monsters he should’ve seen.

‘The World Orb will not be this easy.’ He once thought to himself when he return from the Multiverse.

Azief has long felt that there is something wrong with this world but he couldn’t point it out.

Hearing Hirate words he began to remembers Sasha and Sina story about what they found in the cave. A piece of stone embedded on a black turtle shell.

A black turtle shell that seems to encompasses all the underlying surface of the Forest Region.

And remembering the story, piecing together Hirate words, Azief remembers the image he seen on the Jade Mountain and his body trembles.

The Black Turtle that bears the burdens of a fertile forest filled world. The White Tiger that brings forth eternal winter.

The Azure Dragon that brings spring and vitality, gushing a peaceful lands and plains. The Vermillion Bird that creates a fire covered world.

The Water Devouring snake on which behind its back is a land parched without water.

Forest, Ice, Fire, Plains, Desert. The Five Region of this world.

Could they be the Five World Bearing Beast? Could the World Orb create such powerful protection measures for itself?

Could there be such coincidences? Azief and Will found out about this Five Beast in one of their journeys? Could this knowledge related to the condition of this world?

But thinking about it again, while this is not knowledge any Earthlings would possess, in the Three Thousand Myriads Worlds of the Jade Palace, this is common knowledge.

This is still his speculation but if this is true, then Hirate is probably speaking the truth though he doesn’t really know the details.

Azief then looks at Hirate like he was going to kill him asks

‘Explain’ and his aura emanated out unconsciously because of his anger and shock. He was still standing since his stone chair has long gone deep into the sea..

Hirate made the mistake of looking at Azief eyes directly which resulted in his mind to be assaulted with the force of a descending mountain.

It was suffocating to Hirate and he almost fainted. Calming himself down, wiping the sweats off from his forehead and regulating his breathing he continued

‘After the White Explosion, the Oracle guided us and the Revolutionary Army to hold hand in peace for a while. In a way there is a secret truce between us.’

He takes a slight pause here. Then he continued

‘We easily make a stronghold in the Plains and our headquarters. With millions of people under our commands finding talents is not that hard. The Quorum council decided that while we are powerful now, if the White Explosion once again happened and our forces scattered once again we might not have the chance to rebuild again. Even now, many of our members are former Revolutionary Army members. And I bet that in the Revolutionary Army there are a lot of World Government members. When the White Explosion happens we are all separated by millions of miles.’

‘I don’t need a lesson on your history.’ Azief said urging for Hirate to get to the point

‘Anyway, that is how it started.’ And Hirate couldn’t help but sighed. In hindsight, he doesn’t know whether he should know the truth.

It seems to be a burden and at the same time a responsibility.

‘The Quorum decided to seek the cause of the White Explosion. While searching for that cause we discover something else. We sent probes to outer space thinking maybe we will find something new.’

‘And? What did you find?’

‘The probe did find something new. The moon is an artificial moon. The sun is an artificial sun.’

‘How did you determine this?’ Azief ask clearly curios

‘And spare me the science talk.’

‘The sun and moon is only fifteen kilometers apart. The sun emits no heat while the moon was full of arrays and formation that forces it to behaves like a normal sun.’

Then Azief looks at the clouds

How did this weather and atmosphere conducive to life can be created?

‘A self-governing earth without external support. The heat comes of the sun comes from the earth itself.’ Hirate said half admiring.

‘That is scientifically possible’ Azief breathlessly said

‘Magic’ Hirate answer bitterly.

‘What kind of thing that could wield such magi-‘ and then Azief words stopped as he began contemplating of one possibilities.

‘It seems you already got the answer.’ Hirate said as he looks at the expression on Azief face.

‘The World Orb’ Azief said to himself.

Hirate nodded.

And once again Azief remembered Sina and Sasha stories. ‘A stone but it looks like a shard of broken crystal’ he remembered those words.

And Azief closes his eyes, smiles ironically and laughed, his laughter filled the broken island like he found something to be very funny and hilarious

He laughed because it was too obvious.

‘The answer is in front of my eyes the whole time’ he said as he laugh grew louder.

‘That’s what in the Closet. To maintain this world, to maintain this illusory world and creating something unreal into something real, an enormous magic power is needed. And it needs a catalyst, a stabilizing force to make sure that the fabric of this reality is not broken. That’s what in the closet. One of the Pieces of the World Orb.’ He said and he looks at Hirate.

Hirate was amazed by Azief deduction and only smiles.

‘You’re right.’

‘Then the reason you don’t want me to find out?’

‘Because we have decided this is to be our Earth.’ Hearing this Azief look dumbfounded again, and this time he laughed again.

‘HAHAHAHA. No wonder, no wonder.’ And he looks at the white clouds and the rolling waves and he laughed.

‘This is a prison and you are content to live like this.’ And Azief now knows why there is a barrier in front of Lee Sangmin forest region.

Lee Sangmin must have found a way to access the power of the Pieces. And that is the method the World Government still doesn’t understand.

If not with the Pieces power could the World Government so easily would be rendered helpless in front of Azief attacks?

Which is why they respected Lee Sangmin. It was not true respect…but fear. No wonder Lee Sangmin managed to create that barrier.

It would’ve been too easy for the World Orb to create such a restricting barrier. In this world, other than him and Will not many people understand the World Orb.

He was once in Nilfheim in the Eight Realms of Asgardian when he was wandering through the multiverse with Will and it was during those journeys he collected information about the World Orb.

Azief didn’t mean to say he knows everything there is to know about the World Orb but he knew some lore about the World Orb.

The World Orb was not always an Orb.

It was Pieces of Crystal Shard held by Seven Intergalactic Power in the Universe.

At the Council of Quon, Lord Zeus of Olympus and High King Odin of Asgard gained the approval of the other Seven Powers and in Zeron merged their Pieces to become the World Orb which then shot off to Earth, to the Earth Prime to help humanity to grow to fight the threat beyond the stars.

The only reason why the World Orb would become cracked to pieces is a mean of protection.

Something must have happened to the World Orb to force it to separates itself.

(Remember the Red Speedster attempt to grab the World Orb? HEHEHEHE. Of course Azief don’t know this. But you readers know this. So, one point for omniscient readers)

Yet, the world orb itself obeys its directive to grow humanity. So, this temporary world is created.

One day, and that day might be soon, the World Orb will heal and will merge again and humanity will return once again to Earth.

‘But if that is the case…why have they not yet returned?’ and a grim possibility appears inside Azief mind.

‘What is the Closet?’ He asks Hirate his tone was serious and unforgiving. He did not ask what is inside the Closet.

He asks what the Closet is. Or more accurately he is asking the function of the Closet.

‘Do not lie to me and try to evade the question. Answer it honestly.’ Hirate look at Lord Shadow and he could not help but dreading to say the truth.

Seeing Lord Shadow face Hirate knew that Lord Shadow has probably figured out what is happening and seeing from his expression he did not share the same thoughts as Lee Sangmin and himself.

It was hilarious to even think Lord Shadow will agree to the same deals between Hirate and Lee Sangmin.

It’s clear to him now, that Lord Shadow is not the kind of man that likes to play safe.

Then he answered.

‘A Sealing Box.’

‘YOU!’ And Azief slam his palm into the stone table and the ground beneath Azief feet quakes and sunken five meters deep.

The ground quakes and thunder roared in the sky accompanied with the criss-crossing of lightning.

The stone table evaporated into fine dust, blown by the raging wind generated from Azief furious slamming.

The moment it evaporated Azief move and like lightning he appeared standing in front of Hirate who was still sitting, to slow to react to Azief incredible speed.

His black robe billowed majestically with dark aura covering his robe with each gentle breeze of the wind.

The face beneath the hood seems to be scowling in anger and his wrath seems to change the laws of nature around him.

The ground beneath his feet dispersed into particle of sands because of the pressure of his kinetic energy.

Azief grab Hirate collar and pull him up like he was lifting of a ragged doll and his eyes seems to be furious and full of wrath.

‘You and Lee Sangmin have imprisoned us all.’

His voice was like thunder ringing in the sky, and his wrath seems to cover the entire island as Hirate felt like he was being held up by the Heaven itself and is being scolded by its Will.

It took great courage in Hirate part to match eyes with Lord Shadow. His mental fortitude is strong.

‘I have saved us all’ Hirate deny Azief words.

‘Heh. Is that what you think you were doing? Or is that what you wanted to believe? Azief snorted.

‘You know that this world is not meant to be. You are only delaying the inevitable. And sacrificing the time we have frolicking in this so called Earth of yours’

Hirate don’t know what to say to Lord Shadow words but after gaining some courage he began to speak

‘This world is good. There is not many dangerous beasts. All the beast here is what we can manage. We do not need to worry about the threat from the stars’

Remembering that Azief wanted to choke the life out of Hirate.

Hirate was using the justification of the threat beyond the stars to bind him to his position as a sitting city lord, forcing him not to act in fear of disturbing the balance of power.

And Azief relented because he also knew he could not defeat the threat from the stars by his lonesome.

But to know that the man in front of him has never even thought of confronting the threat beyond the stars but to run and hide, it made Azief felt disgust.

But Azief smirked as he finally understands some things.

‘You are wrong. This world will not move to your desire Hirate.’

‘What do you mean?’ That smile unnerve Hirate

‘Now that you have confessed to me, a lot of question is answered. The Monster horde that is coming. What do you think that is? There is a price when you try to alter reality and subverting Time and Space. There is always a Price when you are dealing with magic. I know it best. This world is just a temporary retreat. Your actions and lee Sangmin actions have proven that. The World Orb wanted to merge together, to become whole again. And you and Lee Sangmin are preventing that. You think there will be no consequences. You are talking about an Orb that changes the fate of Earth. That granted us this abilities and power. And you…’and Azief laughed in derision

‘You think you can stop it?’

‘We managed to seal it.’ Hirate wanted to object to this but was only met with laughter

‘HAHAHAHA. For a while. In a way, even without my interference the World orb will merge with one another when they are ready. You….were being played.’

‘By who?’ Hirate has become indignant hearing Lord Shadow kept belittling him

‘By your desires and ambitions’ Azief said coldly before tossing Hirate to the dirty ground and looking at him like a bug.

‘You have betted the life of the World Government because of your desires. You have endangered humanity as a whole because of your ambition. You are laughable. You use the people. You are not even worthy of sitting the same table as me’ and Azief grasp his hand as the stone chairs crumbles following his thoughts.

Then a voice sounded from behind.

‘What did I say Hirate?’ The voice was tired but was full of pride.

‘I already said, my brother would never accept your cowardly thinking.’ Azief turns to look at the voice and his face light up.

He quickly hugs that person.

‘Will, I have implicated you.’ Will laughed.

‘I know you would come for me.’ Will replied smiling.

‘What are brothers for?’ Azief said laughing in joy on seeing Will safe and sound.

Even as the waves keep roaring and the mini quakes becoming frequent, this reunion of brothers could not be stopped.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘Lily was in their hands.’ Azief closes his eyes and sighed.

‘I’m sorry. I should have guarded her better’

‘No, it was not your fault. However what is your plan now?’ Will said as his eyes darts left and right

‘My plan?’ Azief then look towards the sorry state of Hirate on the ground and pointing his fingers towards Hirate he ordered.

‘Hirate will release the Pieces of the World Orb he has.’

‘But…that also means your Eden; your city will no longer exist.’ Will said. Behind him The Immortal Couple stand at the ready and Oreki just stands there without uttering a single sound.

Hirate nodded.

‘So be it.’ Azief then look at Will and said

‘With my strength is it that hard to create a new city? Influence and titles are nothing but ephemeral concepts.’

Will hearing this understand Azief thoughts. They once see an expert crushing planets with one hand. And both Azief and Will also wanted to strive to that path.

To traverse the stars and universe unhindered. The World Orb has opened a new and exciting world to both Azief and Will.

Hirate was shocked to see this side of Lord Shadow. He was so decisive. Most people would hesitate.

Eden will surely conquer the Plains and Lord Shadow could become Kings or even Emperors in this new world, having the world at his beck and call.

Why would he so easily discard it?

Having a large influence like that, is he not regretting it? It’s the same reason why Hirate did not want the Pieces to merge.

Because to once again build up their power once again, that is too hard.

It was the same reason why Lee Sangmin always hesitated to releasing the Pieces of the World Orb on the back of that giant turtle.

But Will was not surprised.

In the journey they travel together, only decisive and fast decision could make sure they survive.

This kind of personality was not inherent it was molded.

By experience and hardship.

There is also the fact that Hirate has not yet seen the boundless universe yet. Azief current existence if he is ranked across the Universe, he is far from the strongest

The World Orb showers Earth with the opportunity to rise fast but it also opens up Earth to untold dangers of the Dark Universe.

There are eyes on them, far deep in the reaches of the Dark universe.

Will look at the island and look at his brother and he also hesitated. Decisive and fast. He needs to be like his brother.

He needs to decisive. He was always fast.

But he was never decisive enough.

As Azief was about to pat Will on his back time slowed.

Will thoughts were fast. Which mean he could change his perception of time when he wants to.

Moving fast isn’t enough, Will also have the ability to think fast. If not how could he change directions and run across obstacles.

The world dims down around him and sounds are happening so slowly that it’s nothing more than a droning sound.

Will once a live out a day in the pause between words when someone is talking.

The sound becomes too long and stretched out to make sense of and sometimes they even stop altogether.

And Will is using that ability right now to think this through. To Will eyes, it almost seems like Time is standing still.

He has thought of many possibilities.

To him, one day has already passed. The pat on his back has not yet even reached his back and seems to only move one inch forward.

He thinks again. But the truth is he knows what he needs to do. He and Azief could live just fine in this world.

But his sister would never be able to live in this kind of world where strength rules all.

The path Will will be walking is dangerous and he knew he will need to keep walking to the end.

He couldn’t stop.  And neither could his brother. And Will knew he would follow him to even the ends of the earth.

And Will knows that Azief would do the same for him.

The years they spent on the multiverse were not a waste. Amidst the hardship and pain both Azief and Will gained something very precious.

Brotherhood.

He knew the answer to his problem. He knows what to do, but he could not bear to do it.

He was not decisive enough. And then he remembered Lily and he look at Azief face.

He has to break the promise. He only hopes when he is gone, Azief would be okay.

After three days of thought he finally made his decision and he closes his eyes as the pat arrived on his back.

‘It’s good to see you safe and sound, brother. Though you could use some rest and sleep from the looks of it.’ And Will smiles bitterly.

‘You have decided?’ Will asked

And Azief nodded

‘I can always build Eden again. But the Time lost could not gain again. We need to search the other Pieces as fast as possible.’

Will takes a deep breath and then he ask Azief

‘Brother, do you remember what we talked about in those dark days?’ Azief was puzzled because of this sudden and unexpected question.

‘Which one? There are a lot of dark days in the Multiverse.’

‘You remembered we once said that if we ever return to Earth, we would visit the world and wander the world like immortals, carefree and unrestrained like the Golden Immortals of the Jade Palace. Party like the Asgardians from dawn till the next dawn. Be gluttonous and taste every fine delicacy on Earth like the Olympians.’

‘Yes. I did say that. And we have a lot of time to do that’ Smiling bitterly, Will then reply

‘I guess I couldn’t do that with you’ and this answer puzzles Azief. Then Will looking apologetically at Azief said.

‘Do you remember what I promise you just right before we enter the portal to lead us back home? The oath you made me take? I guess today I have to break that promise. Lily….could not live in this world. It’s too cruel for her. It’s too dangerous for her. I’m sorry’

And it was at this time Azief realizes something odd. He was too overcome by joy before to notice something very odd about Will.

There is a fierce lightning inside Will eyes, flashing wildly like a precursor of explosion of energy.

Static discharge from his feet and Azief then remembers what he made Will promise him. A force seems to envelop Will body the moment he finished saying sorry.

A source of energy. The Speed Source.

‘Will, don’t do this. There must be another way ‘Azief was about to grab Will but Will moves in that one fraction of a second and he was already a hundred meter away from Azief, leaving Azief to grab a lightning coils that dissipates almost immediately after his touch.

Blue lightning coils around him crackling and discharging itself from Will body, from the top of his head to his toe, like he was being bathed by lighting and energy gushed out from his body.

The Immortal Couple was thrown back when Will was retreating with Oreki turning into a bolt of lightning to stand beside Hirate who was on the ground.

‘Will, please.’ Azief was pleading now. He doesn’t have time to think about Oreki actions.

‘You knew what will happen if you do this.’ Azief said. Will smiles bitterly.

‘That’s why I promise you not to do this. You remember the Red Speedster. You remember the Demon Invasion of Earth Two. The reason why they can break through barriers o realities is because of Speedsters. Just like the Red Speedster that weakens the fabric of reality by jumping through universes, you were able to breach that hole and meet me in Earth Two. You can’t do this to Earth. Not this Earth or any other Earths’

‘This is an illusory world’ Will trying to deny the truth

‘Connected to Earth Prime.’ Azief replies.

‘In a way this world is Earth Prime. Unreal turned into real.’ Will closes his eyes and then he opens his eyes.

He takes a deep breath.

‘The world has you.’ And Azief was shocked

‘I’m not a hero.’ Azief countered

‘You always say that’ and Will smirk a bit.

‘Yet, you keep saving people’ Then Azief instinctively felt that Will was about to run and he shouted

‘Will, don’t!’ And then with a push of his feet, the Speed Source fills his body and Will turned into a streak of lightning that crosses the Vast Sea.

On Azief back, Oreki smiles and carrying Hirate on his back he turns into a golden lightning and cross to the other direction from Will, disappearing from sight.

The island crumbles and begins disintegrating as that burst of energy from Will forces the island beyond its breaking points as seawater rushed into gobble up this broken island.

The Immortal Couple got up in daze and seeing the seawater rushing in, Heaven Flute Lihua quickly summons the golden chariot given to them by Lord Shadow and darted away from the sinking island.

The moment Will pushes his feet, Azief also take flight chasing him and once again, it was like the first time they meet.

Hyperion and the Dark Speedster are once again racing each other. And a memory surfaces inside Azief mind.

‘You think I can’t beat you in a race?’ Will said puffing out his chest

‘Let me remind you, I beat you once’ he said smiling with a hint of pride. ‘With style, I must add’.

‘That was before the Speed Source.’ Will retorted rolling his eyes

‘Still.’ Will could not help but laugh and then said.

‘Fine. One day you and I will have another race and I will run so fast you could only eat my dust’ Azief chuckles

‘Yeah, in your dreams.’

‘You think I’m joking? Set a time and place!’ Will said enthusiastically.

This memory of their conversation suddenly popped up in his mind. And regardless of their circumstances right now, Azief could not help but smile

A race to settle this question. Is he faster…or is it Will?

With the fate of the stability of the world is in the balance, Lord Shadow and his most trusted brother Will the Dark Speedster is having the race of their lives.

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My chapters are always 5000 words per chapter. That has always been the case. Anyway, the truth of this world is revealed.

And Will betrayal is also revealed. Though I think you can sympathize with him. It is for his sister sake.

If anyone remembers the altercation that Azief had with the Red speedster then you would already know why jumping through universes and weakening realities is a bad idea.

And now you all can guess what is in the sarcophagus of stone that Loki constructed and what Katarina will find in the White Mountain.

And Oreki? Always a great opportunist. Lord Shadow and Will both owes him and now even Hirate would owe him. He is a good politician. Making everyone owe him a debt of gratitude.

This arc has been planned since the appearance of Red Speedster. And now, The Race of Their Lives.

Who is faster? Is it Lord Shadow? Or is it Will? And what is Will is planning to do? You must think that four years in the Multiverse, Azief and Will sure does encounter weird shits? Right. I’m reminded of Avatar the Last Air bender.

Every time he is alone, the craziest thing happens to him.

Anyway, hope you like this chapter and leave a lot of comments. Donations and comments are the way to show you appreciate my work.

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AUTHOR TALKING MOMENTS

This past couple of weeks I was being filled with thoughts of suicidal thought. There is problem at home and that has kept me down. When the people you trust keep undermining you, you start to feel worthless.

People once said that people who will kill themselves is not an attention whore. I think that is wrong.

Because I think every suicidal person (ok, not every suicidal person) wants attention. That’s why we act out.

To know at least one person loves them. And that feeling when you know no one loves and cares for you that can keep you down.

That no one seems to care about you enough to check on you….that could be crushing. And when you see no road in front of you…..then ending your life doesn’t seem to be that frightening.

It becomes a choice. When all you have now is what you believe you will have for the rest of your life, that nothing would change for the better and things would go downhill…..suicide seems less than a taboo, then a decision.

And that scares me last night. Because I stop thinking of suicide as wrong. My religion forbids suicide. Most religions would.

But last night, the feeling that suicide is wrong didn’t cross my mind. My thoughts were about whether it would be painful for me.

I use to think I could never kill myself. It’s too painful. I abhor pain. I hated it. But last night, living in this world is even more painful than any physical pain and that thoughts haunted me right till five in the morning.

I could not sleep. My heart keeps beating fast.

So, today, I write. And now at the end of the chapters, I write all of this down. Not for you all to weigh in but to …just talk.

I can’t talk in my own home. They don’t understand or to be more accurate they only want me to hear to their side of the story.

My friends are all far away. And maybe because of all of the circumstances I’m being weak right now.

And maybe next morning I woke up feeling fine. But today, I’m not fine. I’m not good. And I still don’t see any road for me to walk on.

And maybe that is the most terrifying thing.

And writing, this hobby of mine, seems to be able to stop me from thinking of killing myself. For a moment, I could be Azief the Death God or Charles the destiny preordained founding emperor.

Reading and writing seems to be the only thing that seems to stop me from thinking about it.

And writing has always been the way for me to calm myself down. It was true in the beginning and it is true now. Hmm, I don’t know how to end this talking section. Peace out seems like a good way to end this talk in a peaceful manners.

Peace out.

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3 comments

  1. Shit man…. A while back I also had suicidal thoughts, but I pressed on and since then every day got better for me, I got a good job, I live in a good apartment and I finally have a girlfriend!
    Moral of the story: just keep doing what you like to do and press on!

  2. Been through what you are myself. The feeling of inadequacy, of not mattering. What got me through mine was the reality that its not what it seems. You matter to your readers, your friends, and your family, however flawed they may be. When shit gets tough, find a stranger to talk to. Someone you can totally unload on who has no preconceptions or judgements abt you. Worked for me. I’m usually a silent reader, but wanted to offer my advice. As always, thx for the chapter.

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