Immortal Ascension Tower
Book 1: Reborn
First Arc: The Child And The Dragon
Chapter 3 – Goldy? Your Grandfather!
The examination room was actually a magical array. It would reset with each usage, and its structure would change randomly. This time, the appearance the array had chosen had been that of floor of what seemed to be a castle’s dungeon: columns of marble stood every few steps, on the sides were large rooms filled to the brim with human skeletons. No natural light filtered from any windows, as there were none. Only a small crystal on the ceiling let out a bit of radiance. Suddenly, in a small corner of the room, a hexagram lit up and let out a dazzling light. The dazzling glow seemed to shroud a small figure, but it was too bright to see clearly. It took ten breaths for the glow to subside. When the light disappeared, on the place where the hexagram previously was, the young, eight-year-old boy stood instead.
Cheng Hao threw the huge backpack on the ground. He was holding his stomach and his eyes were full of tears as if he were in great pain. Suddenly he threw his head back. Except the gesture was so exaggerated he fell on his back.
“Ahaha! What a fool!” Cheng Hao was literally ‘rolling on the floor laughing’ as he clutched in his right hand a small belt pouch. On the belt pouch were several glittering runes and it was actually a Heaven&Earth Pouch, aka, a Dimensional Pouch. It could store within many objects while completely removing the weight. Truly a wondrous item, with the only restriction being the amount of matter it could hold and the inability to hold within any living creatures… and spitting them out alive.
As soon as he had seen the pouch on Liu Biao’s body for the first time, Cheng Hao had immediately fabricated a plan to get it and it actually succeeded so easily.
“An Advanced Martial Cultivator, robbed by a child with no cultivation… Your ancestors should be so angry that they must have arisen from the grave just to slap themselves for having such an idiotic descendant! I wonder if some of the more eager ones went as far as cutting off their decaying dicks in regret? Ahem! Enough talking about corpses; wouldn’t want karma to work its mysterious ways for us to become corpses ourselves!”
“Ehm ehm! Now, now… What do we have here?” As Cheng Hai looked inside the pouch, his grin got even larger and larger and an expression of shock and pleasant surprise soon followed that; a fool like him actually had such a treasure on him! What the heck is wrong with this world?
He put his hand in the pouch almost in a trance and took out the small blade that had attracted his attention. It was a blade less than a foot long, only as big as an adult’s palm. It was almost transparent, but had a lightly golden color. It radiated an otherworldly light and, when Cheng Hao let go of the tiny crystal sword, instead of falling on the ground, it capriciously defied gravity and instead floated soundlessly, slightly moving up and down every few breaths.
“Lucky, lucky, lucky!” As Cheng Hao saw that, he smiled and cut his finger, letting a drop of blood fall on top of it. A bright light suddenly flashed, and the sword grew to be three meters long. The object was entirely made of a transparent crystal-like substance, a material that was slowly growing a bit more opaque as the drop of blood flowed on the glittery surface. Suddenly, Cheng Hao clenched his hand and the three meters long sword melted into a golden liquid. The liquid imploded and compressed itself until it became a small marble that could be grasped within two fingers! This small marble was completely golden in color and there were no imperfections on neither its surface not inside.
“Where could such a fool possibly have gotten a drop of blood with such a high cultivation??? Is that guy actually from some incomparably high-status family? Amazing! Could I have actually robbed the son of an emperor? No way, no way, even a hundred emperors would be unable to get their hands on something like this! Unless… he just stumbled into this single drop by chance and thought it was just a small sculpture or some random object? This fool! Such an idiot, don’t you think so, Goldy?” As the child talked he let go of the marble, which kept hovering in place. Seeing that, Cheng Hao nodded pleased and kept checking the content of the Dimensional Pouch.
“GOLDY?!?” Suddenly, an enraged voice rang out from Cheng Hao’s breasts. Not that they had suddenly gained life or anything, that only happens in ‘h’ novels. No, no, the voice had come out from a pocket of Cheng Hao’s worn-out robes.
Suddenly a golden yellow snake-like creature crawled out of Cheng Hao’s only front pocket. “Did you just call me Goldy? Your grandfather is a Goldy! I have a name, you know? Sigh… Little Monster, why did we come to such a place? This ‘Sect’ of theirs is so pitiful that it makes my heart bleed!” He looked like a small dragon cub, about a third of an inch tall and a foot long. Its body sinuous and covered in golden scales, it had five clawed paws and his head slightly resembled that of a snake. The small snake also had a few short, pointy horns stemming from its name and red hair that went from the top of its head down its neck like a horse’s mane. “While for some reason you might want to change your name in this life, don’t you dare do the same with mine! ‘Goldy’? What kind of name is that???”
“Sorry, but Goldy is so cuuute… so cute in fact, that I wonder why I didn’t think of that before I died. Oh, how about Little Gold? If you ask me, either option is much better than the mouthful that is your actual name!” Cheng Hao chuckled and changed his ragged clothes with a long, blue robe he had found in Liu Biao’s Heaven&Earth Pouch. “Also, you need to keep in mind that even though I grasp powerful methods, right now I am indeed in need of resources, so a low-profile Sect like this is exactly what I need.”
Hearing that, the golden dragon-snake glared at the boy’s back as it helped him move all his belongings from the large bag into the magical pouch. “Do not call me Little Gold either! When I was at my peak I was so big that a single finger could crush mountains and create oceans! Call me by my real name!” The small beast seemed to pout and at that Cheng Hao couldn’t help but chuckle.
Seeing the glare of the snake though, Cheng Hao sighed and looked at the small golden beast with a pained expression. “Alright, alright, I will call you by your true name, for this once… But just once! It’s so long, I don’t even know if I remember it correctly! Ahem! Wasn’t it… Blindlight Alldevouring Stormchallenger Thronebreaker Allknowing Rebellious Devourer Starextinguisher Notforgiving Amazing Killightning Ender-of-Kings? Jeez it’s such a pain and quite an ugly name. Who in the world came up with it, I ask? It’s such a mess of titles… In short, you are just B-A-S-T-A-R-D S-N-A-K-E, aren’t you?”
Blindlight’s expression turned sour. “AAAAAGH! Shut up, shut up! Don’t you dare joke around with my great name! How do you even get ‘Bastard Snake’ from my incredibly mighty name at all?”
Cheng Hao shrugged his shoulders. “Learn the humans’ written language and you will see it’s quite the acronym. And a pretty amazing one at that. I still can’t help but wonder whether it was intentional or not… Anyways, it is not my fault you’re too lazy to learn how read and write in the human’s tongue… If I remember well, didn’t I also befriend you exactly because you were so lazy to hunt for food that you nearly died of starvation? A mighty king of the Heavenly Beasts dying of starvation, I laugh every time I think about it!”
The small golden snake suddenly turned red from embarrassment and purple from fury. “Y-you shut up! If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even have DREAMED of besieging the three Outer Heavens! I was the one that taught you and made you able to use my cultivation method of the Golden Gates of Old, as well as allowing you to mount me!” The snake tried to regain some of its lost face.
When he heard that though, Cheng Hao’s expression turned ice-cold. “You are also the one that claimed that Lord Tian’s strength was weak for a Deity stage Heavenly Beast, and even urged me to fight him with a weaker cultivation base! You probably only did that to sleep for this thousand years, thousand years that I spent looking at the empty sky of the underworld! If it weren’t for that strange golden bead of light that I swallowed, I would have still been there, wasting my death away!” Recalling the starless sky and the cries of the agonizing souls, Cheng Hao couldn’t help but shudder and put his hand on his stomach, where the Golden Bead of Light was previously located. It had now been long consumed into his body.
“Mph, you are still thinking about such insignificant treasures such as that spark of light, even while you have Primordial Beast, a Golden Heavenly Devouring Dragon, standing by your side!”
“What Heavenly Dragon and Dragon, you are just a B.A.S.T.A.R.D. S.N.A.K.E!”
“Aaa? Cheng Hao, you…!” The two started to brawl, they rolled on the ground as Cheng Hao tried to catch and squeeze the snake, while the small beast kept trying to bite with its small head a portion of the exposed skin…
“Ahem!” A voice suddenly rang out! At that, the duo immediately stopped their movements – Cheng Hao still holding the snake’s lower body with his left fist as the reptile bit with its tooth-less head that same hand – and turned to look towards the source of the sound: a humanoid figure was standing a few meters away.
“Uhm… Are you ok buddy? You have been talking to yourself and said some really weird things… Something about a weird blood and a bastard snake…”
“I’m NOT a bastard snake! I’ll eat you!” Goldy yelled.
“Shut up!” Cheng Hao hissed. “He can’t see you, let alone hear you! You are a Primordial Beast for Heaven’s sake, only those connected through Karma with you can notice you!” Hearing this, the small dragon fell silent.
Seeing that the youth in front of him did not answer, the humanoid figure asked again “… So… are you ok?”
“He’s not! He’s a son of a bitch and an ugly basta- OUCH!” Goldy failed to squeeze out the rest of the words as the golden-eyed boy had immediately tightened his hold around the snake’s neck.
“I told you to shut up Little Gold!”
“Ouch! Cheng Hao, let me go!”
“I’ll let you go yes, but only when I reach a cliff that is tall enough! And then, I’ll be sure to add some downward momentum myself! Now be quiet. I’m trying to engage in a conversation between gentlemen here!”
Goldy fell silent.
“Uhm, should I come back later?” The creature was a two meters tall humanoid Spirit Beast. It resembled a human but had the head similar to that of a rat, it wore some kind of leather armor and clutched a wooden club in his hands. Counting the fact that both the club and the armor were dirty and stained with blood, its appearance wasn’t really pleasant to the eyes. It apparently was supposed to be some kind of obstacle for the new disciples’ acceptance exam, but seeing the way Cheng Hao was acting, it was actually pondering whether the weird human in front of him would go crazy anyways before it even had to lift a finger…
Author’s NoteRamblings: What to say, what to say… Oh yeah! From what I remember, the chapter’s length may vary from 1500 words to almost four thousands. It depends on the mood, I guess? Yeah, though I never go below the 1500.
That’s like getting a pack of chips, opening it and finding out it is not chips with some air, but air with some chips. And air is poisonus. I mean, look at all those people who breathed a few hundred years ago: they all died! Don’t eat air, children, don’t eat air…