The sound of guitar from the performance was soothing. Today, a red hair musician performed singing a slow song.
The scent of coffee and drinks fills the café and orders are being taken and served. The conversation seems to flow and life seems to be abundant.
“Are you okay, Daniel” Michael is worried.
Tonight he brought Daniel to this café that Daniel always frequented in the past. To show them people are living…and living well.
To show him what he has forgotten
Somehow “there” Daniel had another breakdown. This time it is terrible than before.
The doctor says Daniel need to face what has happened. Slowly…but he must or he will never be able to release himself from that world inside his mind
And that world inside his mind is dangerous. Because in that world, she is there. And in this world she is not.
And Michael fear, he would like that world more, the world in his head, instead the world he is now living.
Thinking that if Daniel can go to the café he could be cured was naïve and stupid. Michael thought to himself but he did not blame himself for holding this hope.
Every time Daniel has a breakdown it is almost like a panic attack.
He is attacked by this feeling of suffocation. He sweated profusely, his heartbeats quickened and he always felt like he’s going to faint.
Michael doesn’t like seeing his friend like that. Precisely because he knows what trigger that breakdown.
“I’m okay” said Daniel weakly. He was smiling but it was a smile of a person giving up
Michael shakes his head and there is a trace of anger and anxiousness
“No, you’re not. You’re not. It’s my fault”
“No, it’s not.” Daniel said more firmly this time. Daniel would not let Michael blames himself.
This sin his fault and his fault alone. He should have been there that day. If only he was there….could he stop it?
“Tell me Daniel, are you really alright?”
Daniel looks like he was contemplating on answering. Then he looked straight at Michael and he said
“I’m doing just fine.” Before he smirk weakly
‘That’s what I always tell the doctor anyway. I would lie and say she’s not in my mind.” Daniel said this sincerely.
Then he tries to calm down again.
“But then when we go out to this café and sit at our table, looking at the scratches we made below the chairs, I realized. I’m finally forced to face the truth.”
“What truth? “Michael asked curios of Daniel answer.
Daniel smiles a bitter smile.
“I’m not over her. I’m not over her, Mike. And I don’t think I can.” tears were streaming from Daniel eyes.
He was sobbing.
Michael was looking like he doesn’t know what to say.
Daniel was hurt. He was ………hurt because he loved too much. When Daniel was dating Amy, Michael was always jealous of them.
The way they looked at each other, the way they finished each other sentence and the way they always know what the other was thinking.
He was jealous and happy at the same time of their passion for each other.
Their love for each other.
They were happy and all was good. Daniel once said to him, that Amy is like a fire to him. It lights him up, make him soar.
Makes him believe anything is possible. She was his fire. She was his light.
But what happens when that fire is no more? You will leave a shell. Like a candle. They burn bright. But the brighter it was, the shorter it became.
Before it is completely extinguished
“No, you can forget her. You’ll get over it” said Michael in a soft tone.
He wanted to console his friend but he doesn’t know how.
“You know there is a quote I read once. It goes like this. “You’ll get over it…” It’s the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life forever. You don’t get over it because ‘it” is the person you loved.’
His voice cracked and he continues as the image of that woman in pain appears inside his mind again
The question he should have asked…the words he should have said….if only he did it right…..would that tragedy happens?
If only…..he was more..
If only he was….
But he continue saying
‘The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made disappear by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of her and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?”
‘And why should I want them to? This pain…is my pain alone. At least, this, I should bear’ he added
Daniel said while wiping his tears. Michael just sighed.
“No…you are wrong. You can’t love her like this. Stop…loving a dead girl!” For Daniel sake, Michael really hoped he will get over her as he grab Daniel shoulders crying with him together.
After what happens, Michael knows Daniel wanted to drown in his sorrows.
But Michael will not let what happens to that grill happens to his friend. It selfish of him…but Daniel is alive…and she is not.
So…he will do whatever he can…this time. He will not repeat the mistake that both of them make.
“Earth to Daniel. Earth to Daniel” Daniel finally realized Michael is calling him
“What are you thinking about?” Michael asked.
“Old stuff “Daniel said nonchalantly
“You were just about to tell me about this girl you met that looks like Amy. Now, get on with the stories.” Michael insisted
“You’re excited aren’t you? Ok. Ok. I’ll tell you the story. “
So I continued the story about this girl I met in Brave World that looks almost like Amy. I really need his advice.
And another night passes until I’m over you.
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